HVL CONNECT RELATIONSHIP COACHING
Online (Limited Availability)
The fight you already know by heart
You have had it about money. You have had it about the dishes, and the phone, and your mother-in-law, and the way one of you said "fine." The topic changes every time. The fight does not.
One of you moves toward: asks, presses, follows into the next room, needs it settled tonight. The other moves away: goes quiet, gets busy, says "later," ends up in the garage. Both of you leave certain the other one started it.
And the communication advice you tried did not hold, because "I" statements delivered inside a pattern nobody has named are just the pattern in a calmer voice.
I have spent more than twenty years across the table from couples in exactly this place. The couples who get out do not learn to stop fighting. They learn to see the fight for what it is, name it, and end it in a repair instead of a week of silence.
That is what this course teaches.
What you will be able to do
By the end of the fourteen lessons you will be able to:
Say what happens between the two of you in five plain sentences, with a name, and none of them an accusation.
Know where your move came from, what it protected, and what you are responsible for changing now.
Look at your partner mid-fight and see the fear under the weapon instead of the weapon.
Run a five-move repair, in order, in about ninety seconds: pause, name, own, ask, offer.
Keep the change alive after the good week ends, with one ten-minute habit a week.
You will not be a different person. You will have the same fight. It will be shorter.
How the course works
Fourteen lessons, four sections. Each lesson is a 12-to-16-minute video and a written version of the same teaching, followed by one exercise you can do tonight. Most exercises take ten to twenty minutes.
Your pace. One lesson a day finishes in two weeks. One a week takes a season. Both work. The lessons unlock in order, because the five steps only work in order.
Alone or together. Most exercises are about your own move, so you can do the whole course without your partner knowing the name of it. If your partner is willing, you each do the exercises separately, then compare. The listener's only job during a compare is to say "thank you for telling me."
A printable exercise pack. Fourteen worksheets, one per lesson, so the writing has somewhere to go and the two pages you will want on the refrigerator are ready to print.
When you finish, a private invitation to a free 20-minute conversation with me about what you found.
What is inside
Section 1: The Fight Is Not About the Topic
1. Start Here. How to use the course, the two boundaries, and the first question: what is the fight we keep having, and what do I want different in ninety days?
2. The Same Fight. Why the topic is the costume and the pattern is the fight, and why the communication advice did not work.
3. Pursuers and Distancers. The two roles, why neither is the bad one, and what to do when the roles flip or you both play the same one.
4. Where You Learned It, and the Wound Under It. Your script, the two fears under almost every move, and why the weapon starts to look like armor.
Section 2: The Five Steps
5. Step One, Name the Pattern. The cycle statement, six blanks, and the name you will both recognize.
6. Step Two, Trace the Script. The Script Letter, and the turn that separates understanding from excusing.
7. Step Three, See the Wound, Not the Weapon. The one sentence you can say mid-fight, the shape that makes it land, and the two cautions.
8. Step Four, Build the Skills. The repair card: pause with a return time, name, own without a footnote, ask with a time, an observable behavior, and a thank-you, offer without conditions.
9. Step Five, Hold the Line. The weekly Connection Reset Scorecard check-in, rituals of connection, and a relapse plan for when the pattern comes back.
Section 3: The Hard Cases
10. After Betrayal. Naming the pattern and the breach, why trickle truth does more damage than the act, and the two different jobs.
11. Desire, Distance, and the Bedroom. The same pattern in a private room, why the calendar comes last, and affection that is not a request.
12. Parenting on the Same Team. The child as the topic, three rules, the parenting repair, and the loyalty trap in blended families.
13. Stuck or Done? Telling the two apart, what not to do with uncertainty, the four areas, and a ninety-day agreement that gives the decision something to stand on.
Section 4: Ten Years Later
14. The Same Fight, Ten Years Later. Marcus and Jill's ninety-second fight, where to go from here, and the safety resources.
Who this is for, and who it is not for
This course is for you if:
You have one fight that keeps coming back in different clothes.
You are tired of the topic and suspect the topic is not the point.
You are safe with each other and stuck.
You are willing to look at your own half first.
Your partner may or may not be on board yet. Either way works.
This course is not for you if:
There is fear, coercion, violence, or active addiction in your relationship. Please start with the resources on the course page and a licensed professional. That is care, not dismissal.
You are looking for therapy or treatment. This is coaching. I am a relationship coach, not a therapist, and this course sits alongside clinical care, not instead of it.
You want your partner fixed. The course works on the half of the fight that is yours.
About Danté
I am Danté Yigael, founder and lead relationship coach at HVL Connect in Houston. For more than twenty years I have worked with couples who are exhausted by the same argument, and this course is the method I use with them, taught the way I teach it in the room.
I built it because most couples who need this will never book a coach. Some cannot afford it. Some are not ready to say the words out loud to a stranger. Some have a partner who would never come. This course is for all of them: the whole method, at your kitchen table, on your schedule.
My wife Rebekah is a licensed clinical social worker, which is one reason the line between coaching and therapy is clear in every lesson.
Questions
Do I need my partner to do this with me?
No. Most exercises are about your own move. One person changing their move changes the dance. If your partner joins later, they can start from Lesson 1 on the same account and you can compare pages.
How long does it take?
About fifteen minutes of video per lesson plus ten to twenty minutes of exercise. Fourteen lessons. Two weeks at one a day, a season at one a week.
Is this therapy?
No. This is coaching. I am not a therapist, and this course is not treatment for trauma, addiction, or a mental health condition. If you are in therapy, this sits alongside it. Lessons 10, 11, and 13 tell you specifically when to bring in a licensed professional.
We have already read the books. Is this different?
The book The Same Fight lays out the method. The course walks you through doing it, one exercise at a time, in order, with a worksheet for every step and video teaching for every lesson. If the book made sense and the fight is still running, the course is the doing.
What if we are past this?
Lesson 13 is written for exactly that question. It will not tell you what to decide. It will help you decide it well.
How do I access it?
On any browser or the Wix mobile app, with the login you create at checkout. Lessons unlock in order as you complete them. Access does not expire.
Do you offer this to groups or churches?
Yes. Email dante@hvltcc.com for group licenses and facilitated versions.
The pattern never leaves. It just gets shorter.
Ten years after their first fight about laundry, Marcus and Jill were in their kitchen again. She had asked three times about the rental van. He had said he would handle it and had not. She felt the fight start in her chest. He felt the door in his.
Then she said, "This is The Emergency." He said, "I know. I said I would and I did not. Give me ten minutes; I will book it and come find you."
That was the fight. Ninety seconds. Start today.
A note before you start
Every couple named on this page and in the course is a composite. This course is educational coaching material, not therapy, assessment, or treatment.
If there is immediate danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988.
Questions first? Book a free 20-minute conversation on the Book Online page.